After an extraordinarily long break, I’ve decided to give blogging another go. It does feel a lot harder to restart this, which I’m not sure is a good thing as surely it should be like putting on a comfy old shoe or getting back onto a bike (which I have to admit is so much more difficult if you’ve fallen off said bike…or in my case on a school trip many years ago whilst mountain biking, coming down the ridiculously steep hill I found out my brakes had decided not to work, cue stressful freewheeling down a hill only stopped by the cycling instructor taking the full impact of me and the bike. That was a painfully embarrassing situation exacerbated by the instructor having to cup where the handlebars hit him and walk like someone who had s*** his pants for the rest of the day.). So if I managed to recover from that experience and get back onto that bike (incredibly reluctantly) then I can resume blogging and sharing stupidly random anecdotes from my life. I know,I know I’m not nearly as funny as I think I am, but hopefully there are people out there who find me vaguely interesting if not somewhat funny and can share second hand embarrassment of my various failings at life.
When spiders come out to play…
Why is it that when you’re home alone spiders come out to play, staring at you from the corner of the ceiling looking as if they own the place.
Seriously what is this? Do they sense that I am pathetically feeble and so can’t do anything about them. Apart from subconsciously staring at them whilst pretending to read a book or watch tv, with growing panic and apprehension when I realise they are slowly inching their way across the ceiling to the patch directly above my head because of course that is the best patch of the ceiling.
The thing is you can’t help but stare at them, the minute you take your eyes off of them they disappear. Cue frantic patting down of hair and clothes to ensure that they are not on you even though this defies logic as only a few seconds ago they were 4 feet away and so unless they have powers that rival spider man there is no way they could jump onto you from across the room. That doesn’t stop me from clawing at my clothes and hair to check that they definitely are not there. After all they have 8 legs so who really knows what spiders can do. Apart from a large proportion of the scientific community as well as those who unlike me possess common sense.
And so that ends my conspiracy musing/rant of the week.
Hopefully you have a wonderful spider free week…unless you’re into that, then have fun playing with one of the most feared insects in the world, I’m sure it’s a really good conversation starter and goes down well with the ladies.
Cake is a worthy investment…
So I’ve been considering creating a blog for a while but there have been a few things holding me back. My lack of literary skill (I apologise in advance for the cliches and inevitable typos), the fact that I have very few funny anecdotes or insights to anything (I think one of the few funny things that I have experienced is when I was eating cake on a table and fell off of said table in front of a pretty big group of people, (I don’t know why but a table seemed like a great place to eat cake, it wasn’t, the cake fell on the floor sacrilege I know) pretty hilarious right, oh that’s another thing to expect, an incredibly serious addiction of using sarcasm whenever possible, which is ALWAYS) but no matter what my faults are, be warned I have many, including foot in mouth syndrome of always saying the wrong thing at the worst possible time like when my friends pet died and I walked into the room to see her upset to then jokingly ask ‘ooh has someone died?’ I know, I’m a terrible person who just has to face situations like this on a daily basis, not my friend’s pet dying, the whole being socially awkward, seriously if my friend’s pets kept continually dying you think she would just stop buying them, I mean they’re expensive and we’re in a recession. You can’t go spending a heap of money on goldfish, that’s just a bit stupid no offence to all the goldfish lovers out there (I don’t mean lovers in that sense, jeez you’re twisting my ambiguous words) but I feel that cake or shoes would be a far worthier investment.
I also appear to have a bit of an affection towards the word ‘thing’ (see how many times I have written it in this paragraph) as well as a serious case of incredible clumsiness but I hope that you to continue to read my blog posts. I hope to brighten up people’s day or at least give them something (ooh did it again) to laugh at be it me or my ability to insert innuendoes into pretty much any conversation.
So to leave on a bright note, my favourite sort of joke of the week, sex is like throwing a sausage into a tunnel. I think that just about sums up my low level of maturity and sense of humour.
Have a great week and post any funny jokes or anecdotes in the comments so that we can laugh together at each other’s misfortune.
musingsofaditzyblonde 